Alexis Martina Esparza
January 21, 1999 - July 11, 2001

My name is Sheila and I am Lexy's Nana. This website is created and dedicated to Lexy

The first time I laid eyes on you, I fell in love. A love that words cannot describe.

The nurse brought you out of the delivery room and stopped so we could meet. You looked right at me, blinking your little eyes as though you were focusing. We bonded at first sight. I felt so very blessed. I was so full of love and so very happy.

From that day on, everything I did was for you, every thought had you in it. You became my life…..

You were such a good baby always excited to see your Nana come home from work. I am so glad your Mom could stay with you most of that first year. I knew no one could take care of you like your Mommy. She loved you so much and enjoyed every minute with you.

You were so very smart and such a little clown… you kept me and your Mom laughing….. Oh how I loved cuddling with you and singing to you……. You were growing so fast and the beauty of your personality was just blossoming every day….

I am so grateful that your Mom shared you with me…. She has always known how very much I love you…. She never got in the way between us, our relationship was so wonderful. I loved having a little clone who was so very much like me.

I was so blessed to feel the enormous love you had for me and it felt so good to love you the way I wanted to. You always wanted to be close to me and I loved that…. I couldn’t go to the bathroom without you, and that’s ok… I couldn’t take a bath with the door closed or you would have a fit because you couldn’t get to me….

I will never forget when I came home from working out of town you had not seen me for two weeks and when I walked through the front door you were looking at your Mom and all of a sudden when your eyes crossed the room to see me, your little face lit up like a brilliant light and you said “Hi Baby!” and came running as fast as you could to throw your little arms around me….

Oh baby, Nana misses you so much….. I want so much to be with you and it hurts me that I can’t be. But baby, my precious wonderful Lexy…. I have more work to do here before I come home to be with you…. There are others who need me…..

I never thought my worse fear would actually happen, but it did…. There is not a moment that goes by that I don’t think of you. The day I had to let you go and know that I would never hold you again, or hear your little voice say “I love you” was and always will be the worse day of my life… There has never been a love so perfect as what you and I shared.

I still can’t believe life can be so terribly cruel…. Losing you was like tearing my heart out of my chest…. How I would have gladly given my life to save you. I will never be able to understand why you had to be taken from me and your Mom…. My life will never be the same without you.

Music doesn’t sound the same, candy doesn’t taste as sweet, the sun sets are not beautiful anymore the flowers do not smell good any more….

You use to make me laugh so easy, you filled my heart with so much joy, it is so hard to smile and laugh these days. I just never thought I would ever have to let you go…. I was suppose to go first. When you left, my heart went with you…..

I read these words as I write them and they just do not describe what is in my heart. They cannot describe the pain, the horrible pain of losing you, of being without the most precious life I have ever known.


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