Of a baby we loved
And will never forget
My name is Shauna and this page is for my angel Jackson Dane
In April of 2003, we received the wonderful news we were pregnant! We were so excited and happy.
We were in the process of moving from Oregon to Texas as my husband was starting a new job and I would be able to stay at home with the baby.
At twenty two weeks we went in for a routine ultrasound. Our concern at this point was deciding whether we wanted to know the sex of the baby.
The atmosphere went from light and happy to very quiet. The doctor wanted us back in four weeks to get a better look at the heart and kidneys. The news was somber but still hopeful.
We did find out that we were having a little boy. Our big job for the next month was to pick out a name. We chose Jackson Dane for this little one.
The next ultrasound was devastating. The doctor discovered a hole in Jackson's heart and he was two weeks behind in growth. We were to see a perinatologist for further testing.
I had scheduled a trip home to Oregon and was going to cancel but the doctors urged me to go - the testing could wait. What a blessing that ended up to be. We had a beautiful baby shower and spent two weeks celebrating Jackson Dane's life. We knew he was sick so time was a lot more precious.
When I returned to Texas, the doctor had grave news. Jackson had Trisomy 18. It was a fatal diagnosis. The doctor did not expect Jackson to survive full term. We were twenty nine weeks pregnant and absolutely devastated. I had so much hope still - Jackson could beat the odds.
I tried so hard to remember everything - every kick, every move Jackson made, and how my belly felt. I did not know how much time we would have. Jackson was most active when I went swimming so I spent a lot of time at the pool.
Jackson lived for another five weeks. I knew the day he passed away - the unthinkable had happened. I clung to my last bit of hope until the doctor declared no heartbeat via ultrasound. Jackson had passed on at thirty four weeks.
Labor was induced and after three long days my precious Jackson Dane was born sleeping.
He weighed two pounds eleven ounces and was fifteen inches long. He had red hair and dark blue eyes. I have never seen anything more beautiful than my sweet baby boy that day.
We were able to spend four hours with Jackson. The nurses had to decide how long - I would have stayed there forever.
I want so desperately to remember every detail of that day - Jackson's sweet face, his hands, the weight of him in my arms, everything. I miss him so much everyday.
Jackson will always be my first born and a part of my heart and soul.
I love you so much sweet angel.
Nothing Gold Can Stay
by Robert Frost
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower,
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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